How to Have a Difficult Conversation With Yourself
As a mentor, leader and entrepreneur I’ve have had and led many difficult conversations especially when things are not working out – progress is not being made or mistakes happen.
I’m not going to tell you this will be easy. It’s not. I will share some tips that I do to make it easier – starting with motivation. After blocking time in my calendar for the difficult conversation I’m going to have with myself, I also block time for my reward.
For me it’s all about self-care – that’s what will motivate me. How about you? Is it a cup of coffee and cake? It can be anything that doesn’t cost a lot – otherwise it might bring up feelings of guilt and regret. You don’t want those 2 creeping up here. I put a cap on my reward at 30€ – gives me enough play for a haircut, a manicure/pedicure or massage. I put money each month into an envelope marked LOVE MYSELF [year]. Each quarter, I have my difficult conversation and when I’m done, I take 30€ from that envelope and spend it on something just for me. At the end of the year, if there is any extra, I donate it to charity and that feels great!
One of my clients did something similar except instead of money she created a LOVE MYSELF box. She decorated the outside with images that made her happy (immediately raising her vibration) and she filled it with handwritten and folded notes/quotes on self-love. Everytime she had a difficult conversation, she would pull out 1 to 3 of them and read it out loud as she looked into the mirror. Very powerful!
Knowing that you are your very own very best friend is empowering.
LOVE Yourself in 90-days
October 15 2022 – January 15 2023
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Get started with the difficult conversation with yourself
1. Start your reward envelope or box. Make sure to label it with LOVE MYSELF (you can add the year if you like).
2. Grab a piece of paper and your favorite writing tool.
3. Make sure you have a frying pan and match/lighter for afterwards.
4. Start writing down 3-5 difficult questions. Some examples are:
- What could I have done differently or better?
- How did I contribute to this not working out?
- What is it about me that causes people to react in the way they do?
- How can I take responsibility for this?
- Am I prepared to do what it takes to be the best?
These questions could allow you to unearth things about yourself that are not always at the forefront of your mind and explore blind spots that you were not aware of.
5. Be a fly on the wall – having studied neurolinguistic programming, one of my favorite techniques is perceptual positions. It is a process where you reflect on something that has happened but looking at it from different points of views – to allow yourself to gain a better understanding. There are three parts:
– First, look at what has happened from your perspective.
– Second, look at things from the perspective of the other person.
– Third, imagine you are fly on the wall listening in.
How would things look if you’re the third person?
6. Be honest with yourself – Some of the conversations you have with yourself might be uncomfortable, but there is no use doing this if you are not going to be honest with yourself. I would suggest that these difficult internal conversations are the ones to consistently stick with and practice because they can help you to expand your comfort zone. So by not being honest with yourself, you are selling yourself short.
If you’re struggling, you might just need to come back to the conversation at a different time. It’s important to face any uneasiness, but only you will know when the time is right. Reflecting on your relationships and how you communicate is a good place to start.
What are the frying pan and matches for?
Have you heard of the burning bowl ritual? No?
The goal of the burning bowl ritual is to make space for new beginnings. It can be done at any place, at home alone or in a gathering with others.
Letting go gives you freedom
The purpose of the ceremony is to shift consciousness. It’s about becoming still, naming what you want to release, and letting it go.
Whatever you wrote down (question and answers) is your path to emotional freedom and that is why it is extremely important to be honest with yourself. Write as little or as much as you want – full sentences or point form. Open up your heart to the flow as it releases old wounds, negativity, or unhealthy thought patterns.
In a safe place, drop your paper in the pan or bowl and light it up. As you watch the paper burn, visualize your unwanted thoughts rising up in the smoke, being released from you.
Allow yourself to experience whatever you are feeling: fear, anxiety, sadness, loss, gratitude.
Affirmations
End this self love action with an affirmation. Here is an example:
Today I release what I don’t want. I let go and let the universe (or God -depending on your spiritual or religious beliefs) do the work in this experience. I open my heart to love, and I am blessed with peace, joy, and harmony.
Once the paper has been burned and cooled, you may choose to scatter or blow the ashes into the wind or pour them into a body of water. In a recent workshop, I learned about ending this ritual by throwing the ashes into the toilet bown and do your personal business before flushing. It was liberating! 😉
Go ahead and give a try and let us know how you did!
Meet the Founder of LOVE Yourself Project
Celine
Founder of LOVE Yourself Project
I created this platform as a way to share transformative ideas that inspire change through cross-cultural learning, purposeful gatherings, and shared products and services.
Enjoy!
